Alan B and Prop 8

Yesterday I attended the funeral of Alan B. This marked quite a juxtaposition of joy and mourning, as the night before I loudly celebrated with champage and air horns for the election of Barack Obama. Then I slept, and then I got up, headache and all, and went to the funeral.

It was a very nice funeral, and it was nice to see all the people I haven't seen in so long.

Alan was a great man, and the numerous speakers did a wonderful job of telling us about his greatness. His nepwhew did an especially touching and descriptive job of explaining Alan's odd politics, his knowledge of a little bit about everything (literally), his expansive collections of shirts, watches, boots, and knives, his lovingkindness, and his gentle nature. Brother Jack beautifully elaborated on Alan's heart-filled-with-love.

Alan tried to present himself as a tough guy. A George Bush loving, gun toting, Western man of America, but that he was not. He was gentle, and he was sweet, and he had a heart of gold, and he was so so smart, and he loved an argument, and he respected the positions of others if they could elaborate them without undue emotion. He loved the ballet and theatre and film and good food and especially good beer. He and I had some of the best arguments and discussions I've had. These discussions spanned from gun rights to criminology to national politics to the latest ballet we had both seen to beer recommendations and on and on. He was truly a great man.

It was not until his nephew spoke about his collections that I remembered something very special. Somehow, in learning of his rapid and unexpected death, I had forgotten about this. Two of the things that Alan loved the most were his shirts and his knives (and as nephew explained, not only did Alan collect them, but he knew the history of them--down to the history of the particular knot he used to tie a particular tie to match a particular pattern in a shirt, which matched his belt buckle and his boots. So as he told this story, I remembered that Alan gave me an entire bag filled with dress shirts that he was no longer wearing, and I still wear many of these all of the time. And on the last day I worked with him, he also gave me a pocket knife, which I still carry with me at most times. He would have been delighted to learn that it was in my pocket last week when I saw Barack Obama speak--I was mortified when I got home and realized it was in my pocket the whole time. Not only had secret service not found it when the checked me, but what would have happened if they had found it? Bye bye knife, and difficulty for me. He would have gotten a kick out of that.

---------------------------------------

And now on a completely different and less sentimental note, the passage of Proposition 8 in California is so disgusting and so upsetting and so depressing. I am trying hard not to allow my more base racist-ness come out of this, but I am very much aware of why Prop 8 passed, and I am very resentful for this. Gays were some of Obama's biggest supporters, working hard and voting to elect a black man (who, while being the most Gay positive candidate for president ever, did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to fight prop 8), but it was the black population of California (whose turnout was extra high because of Obama) who tipped the balance to enshrine discimination into the constitution of the nation's most populace country. Everyone is aware of this. Even Andrew and Savage have commented on this. It just seems to me that a community that just so recently endured and still today endures its own civil rights struggle would recognize the struggle of another, even small group. But I guess not. So go eff yourselves.

That's the sentiment that is inside me. I know its not healthy, but the Id is strong. Whites voted down prop 8. Latinos and Asians went about 50-50. Blacks went 70-30 to pass prop 8. So, again, go eff yourselves.

I saw a photo of a guy at a big protest last night wearing a t-shite on which he had written, "we're still here, we're still queer, so go fuck yourselves" hah.

This battle will be won. Soon it will be won in Vermont, New York, New Jersey, and Rhode Island. The Northeast will be the only part of the country that believes in equality. But from there it will expand. and Bigots will lose. My optimism is not wavering, but I am dismayed. And I am further dismayed by discussions at work with older guys who just don't seem to care. They don't care! They have no expectation of equality. They do not demand equality. They have so internalized society's homophobic sentiments that one even asked, "would you want to marry a man? I wouldn't." That is a problem. That is the problem that full marriage equality nationwide will solve. This man has no self-esteem, he sees himself as lesser than others, and he does not expect to be treated well. So sad.

This fight will be won, but I cannot deny strong resentments within my Id that are directed firmly at that minority group who would vote to strip the rights of another minority. So disgusting.