I found out today that I did not get a big scholarship I applied for. I found out last week that I did not get a much smaller award that I had been nominated for. I am fascinated by the effect this sort of rejection has on my mood and on my thought process. It makes me feel rather sad, and it makes me remember other similar rejections--for example, running for office last year in a national organization and losing the election. My mind even wanders into thoughts of being dumped. In these moments I forget all of my successes, I forget things that have gone well--the mind sits in the muck of rejection and stays there, unwilling to move, bathing in the maelstrom of past failures and recent rejections.
There are a number of choices at points like these--a. continue ruminating and leading myself down that depressogenic path, b. purposefully changing the content of my thoughts to focus on the good things, the award I got for which I did not even apply, the election I did win, c. sit with the thoughts and the hurt and watch them, step back from them and examine them as I am doing here, and allow myself to feel whatever reactions arise, or d. translate them into further motivation to prove them wrong, to make them regret not recognizing me, and into pushing myself ever harder to succeed via narcissistic ego expansion.
Some of these options are healthier than others. I wish I didn't feel the need to enact option d., but that is probably the one that will prevail in a FTW type attitude.
oh well. I will sit with the sadness for now.
1 comment:
I'm sorry to hear you didn't get it... but I think the best way to look at it is to figure out what opportunities might arise from the rejection. If someone or something has said No to you, that means you are even that more available for something else to say Yes, or, even better, for you to be motivated to go out and actively find new and different things. Do you know what I mean?
When I was rejected from Peace Boat, at first I was really sad and felt like a loser, but honestly, now I think it was a good thing, because I had to re-think my life and my plan and find new things that I wanted to accomplish. And after that, I really started feeling much happier. I've found a bunch of new things I like to do and new friends. I think if I had stuck with my original plan, I wouldn't be as happy as I am now.
So I think you should let yourself feel bad about it, but then really make an effort to get over it. Not to forget about it, but to find some new things that you want to do, some stuff you are interested in that maybe you never really tried before.
Take care!
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